My son and I were having a showdown! It was mid-week but I wanted him to finish his homework that was due on the following Monday early because I knew we had a busy weekend. However, I had just taken a no yell challenge with a friend, so I couldn’t raise my voice (that’s another story I will write about soon). Really, I had no choice! So, I brought in the big gun! That’s right – the Feel Felt Found technique! Ten minutes later he was doing his work!
See, some years ago, I was a Mary Kay Sales Director. While I no longer own a Mary Kay business there were a few things I learned from my MK training that stuck with me. And let me pause here and say that I didn’t DO Mary Kay, but rather I OWNED a Mary Kay business – and yes, there IS a difference (I guess that’s another post too). Feel, Felt Found is one of those things that stuck with me. Now I’m sure this is not something MK created, it is probably written in some sales book somewhere but it works every time. It is a way to overcome objections based on how people “feel”. It will not work if someone’s objection is based on “facts” (that’s important to know).
The “script” (so to speak) is: “I know how you feel; I’ve felt that way too; But what I’ve found is…” I know you are asking yourself, “Self, how did she use that on her son?” Glad you asked! This is how it went with my son:
Me: “Can you start your assignment early instead of waiting until the weekend?”
Him: “Aww, but it is not due until Monday and I have a lot of time so can’t I just wait until later.”
Me: I know how you feel; I’ve felt like I had a lot of time to do something before too so I put it off; But what I have found is that something always came up and I end up not having as much time as I thought. I would hate for you to use your fun time to have to rush through your work.
Got it? Now the last most important step in Feel, Felt, Found is the awkward silence that tends to follow. Trust me, there will be a bit of silence. The person will expect you to continue talking but you can’t say a word! You have to let the other person talk next, even if they are quiet for a long time. Make yourself busy if you have too but don’t talk! In all but a few cases, people will see things your way (or at least meet you half way).
That’s it! I dare you to try it this technique. Still not interested in trying it? I understand how you feel. I felt that way the first time I tried it too but what I have found is that I only had to try it once to see that it works. What have you got to lose? (he he he ….see what I did there?) If you try it or have tried it before, let me know!
I’ve tried it, but I didn’t do the silence part at the end. I spoke first & that may have messed up the vibe. I’ll try it again, because I go through the same thing with my son. The thing about it, he’s gone through what happens when you put things off & he still does it. Ugh!
Ayesha, the silence is the most important part! Yolanda said she walked away, that works too! Our boys can be so stubborn can’t they? Tell me if you try it again.
sigh think this will work with Jimi right now? lol!
Unfortunately See Spot Clean, I think Jimi is a tad too young. Give him another year or two!
Haha, I did something quite similar with Imani last night. I said what I said but I walked away & a few minutes later she came in ready to finish her homework. I must admit I do need to perfect the technique but my perfection will lead to her success….hehehe
Excellent! I like that- “my perfection will lead to her success” that sounds like another post, LOL! Thanks for reading.
Thank you so much Belinda for being such an inspiring contribution to our team. Thank you for trusting in me and in the process (healthy eating, exercise, accountability and support). Your posts whether it was of you or your family living this new healthy lifestyle has inspired many including myself. Bottom line is that you knew what you wanted and you went into it full circle. No excuses. And that is what got you here! CONGRATULATIONS once again and keep up the awesome work! P.S. I am grateful we connected the way we did, it was just meant to be!
Thanks Giovanna! I have really enjoyed working with you and the team. There is no way I could have done it with the accountability of the group. I am grateful we connected too! The next challenge is on it’s way.