Will You Break-Up With Me?

I am going through a break –up.  It’s for the best.   I am having a hard time with it and didn’t realize how hard it was going to be.   I guess I should start by saying marriage can be a wonderful thing.  I mean really, waking up and going to bed everyday with the one you love, having them be the first thing you see in the morning and the last thing you see before you sleep is nice.  That one person you share your thoughts and dreams with…the one who laughs with you, who cries with you, who supports you.  That person who is there to participate in life with you – side by side.   Marriage can be a wonderful thing.

So back to my break-up.  Though I have been married now for 16 years, I confess that I have another relationship.   This other relationship is taking my attention away from my husband.  In fact, I find myself waking up thinking about it and going to bed thinking about it.  I find myself sharing my thoughts in this relationship (sometimes before I talk to my husband).  I laugh and sometimes cry in it.  And just like with any good relationship, I find that I am starting to not like being away from it.   I constantly check-in, sometimes when I am supposed to be doing something else.  Now you and I both know that this can’t go on!

In an effort to publicize the breakup and really help this other party understand how serious I am about leaving, the message below is for them.  Warning, I use some pretty harsh language SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

Listen, I can no longer have a relationship with you.  I love my husband and family too much to continue to cheat them of my time and attention!  You are something with your good looks and fancy tricks!  Every year you get better!  But I am no longer going to be with you!  Gosh Darn it (I warned you about my language),  I mean it!   I will not be enamored with your looks or your abilities.  It’s over!  You hear me?  It’s over!  CELL PHONE I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU!

What?  Did you think I was talking about something else?  Aw, don’t give me the whole “you tricked me” either.  The reality is that you know I am not the only one who needs a break up with their phone.  Here’s an idea:  LET’S PUT DOWN THE PHONE AND FOCUS ON OUR LIVES!   For real, WE AREN’T EVEN MAKING PHONE CALLS ANYMORE! Stop sleeping with it – TURN IT OFF! Oh, don’t give me that alarm thing.  You can buy an alarm clock to wake you up for as little as $10.  Stop taking it to the bathroom!  That’s just….Ewww -do you know how many germs are in there? And for goodness sake, let’s take it off the table when we are talking to someone (that is just plain rude!) Stop looking at life through FILTERS!  They aren’t real anyway (that darn snap chat filter can make all of us look incredible!  But catch me first thing in the morning and see if I look like I do in Snapchat…yeah, I don’t wake up like this!) Oh, and we don’t have to check it every 5 minutes  – it can’t walk or talk – it will be right where we left it because ITS A PHONE!

Listen, I’m not saying we can’t use our phones anymore.  I just want us to be intentional about living our lives in person rather than through our phones.  Let’s set hours when we aren’t available or connected to our phones. I know, I know – break-ups are never easy. Will you break up with me?  I was just hoping that we could do this together. 🙂