My Husband’s Perspective on Marriage

Did you know that I’ve been married for 17 years. You read that right, 17 years.  That’s despite the fact that his mom stop making the payments for us to stay married, lol!  Seriously, my husband and I celebrated our anniversary last weekend. Often times we hear about marriage from the wife’s perspective, but we rarely hear from the husband’s.  For this post, I asked my husband to let me interview him and share his thoughts.  He agreed and even let me record it.  He shared too much for me to post but I am posting most of it below.  Enjoy!

First question: Are you happily married?

Let’s put a pin in that and come back to it (laughing)…Let me just say I am socially comfortable with our arrangement (laughing even more)…Yes, I am happy.

Very funny…I am fond of you deeply too (laughing).  So, let’s get serious…what kind of advice would you give a newly married couple?

Oh that’s easy. Pretend you are in school again, and study your spouse. I mean really learn about her.  And don’t stop learning. Study like you are in college and you have to pass a test.  The more you study her and how she thinks the better your marriage will be.

What’s your favorite part about our marriage?

There are a couple of favorites but I would say when we sit down and talk…or listening to YOU talk.

(laughing) I talk a lot…

You sure do…you SURE DO. But I like it, it helps me understand what you are thinking.  I like our time together.

What is the most challenging thing about being married?

Communication.

How so?

Sometimes, it is easy to keep a lot of things in my head and expect you to know what I am thinking.   I have to remember to share what I am thinking.  Also [it is a challenge to] remember what you said.

Um…yes! (Big laugh)

No, for real. I know that it is important to you and if I don’t think I will remember, I try to write it down.

What are your top 3 tips for a happy marriage?

Communication, communication, communication.

That’s all 3?

Yes! I think you should sit down and talk over your game plan for your marriage.  If you have kids, you should have goals for the family too.  And you should talk about it every 3 – 4 months so that you stay on track…call it a state of the marriage meeting.  Talk about how things are going, what your individual goals are, and any issues.  That way, you are both moving in the same direction.  Also, you have to talk about sex and money too. Talk about what you like and don’t like in bed.  Talk about how you want to spend your money and financial goals.  Just talk.  Communication is the most important thing….and food.

Food?

No, I just like food (laughing).

So communication is important.  How should you communicate?

It’s about timing.  Always find the right time to talk about things. Don’t talk when you’re angry.  Never talk when you are frustrated.  Pick a time when things are a more peaceful.  Also, make sure each person is not distracted by other things.  For example, if you like your sports or your movies and the other person says, “let’s talk about us” right when the Hulk is about to smash something or a big touchdown is coming…that’s not good….let’s not do that (laughing). You will just end up getting mad because the other person won’t be paying attention to what you have to say.

So with all the challenges, why get married at all?

It’s nice to have someone to spend your life with who you love and who loves you…someone who is with you and can be there for you.  Marriage is for grown ups.  If you don’t want to grow up, don’t get married.

Do you think marriage gets a bad rap?

Yea, because of TV, movies or other people’s bad experiences.  Marriage is not a bad thing.  You have to work hard but it is worth it.

OK, as you can see he had a lot to say.  I asked more questions (some very personal) but couldn’t fit all of his answers here…maybe I will make a part 2 to this post.  At any rate, if you are married, I challenge you to go interview your spouse!  You might be surprised by what you learn :-).