Take Back Your Keys

I remember it like it was yesterday!  There I was dancing butt-naked, just out of the shower, music blaring while singing my favorite song at the top of my lungs: I never knew there was a love like this before…Never had someone to show me a love, a love like this before (at the time, I was a huge Faith Evans fan) when suddenly I heard someone say, “You should close your bathroom door!”  I spun around and there stood my godmother and one of her friends in my apartment!  I was in my 20’s with my own place and had no reason to close my door.  I had not let them in, they did not ring the doorbell or knock on the door, yet they were standing there looking at me in my birthday suit! I grabbed a robe while one of them began to criticize the placement of my sofa and the other one sat in my favorite chair!  I couldn’t believe it! I asked them, “How did you get in here?” My godmother responded: I used the key you gave me. I had completely forgotten about that key!  What an awkward moment!

Remembering that story made me think about something.  Sometimes we have to take back our keys!  There are people around us who have keys to our lives that shouldn’t!  People who have access to our inner thoughts, desires, weaknesses, and even our beds (yeah, I went there) that shouldn’t.  We could save ourselves a whole lot of disappointment, hurt feelings and down right drama if we simply took back some people’s keys to our lives!  

I say we should use the same process for giving out the keys in our lives that is used for getting a key to a new house or a new car:

1. Our keys should require an application and a deposit.  To get a new car or house there is an application process.  You have to share your personal information, submit to a background check and give a non-refundable deposit. We should do the same thing with people before we give out keys to our lives. We allow people too much access to our lives before we know enough about them.  We may know their basic info and what we have seen on social media or in certain situations but we don’t REALLY know them!  We don’t know their history or their motivation.  In some cases, they haven’t even made any real positive contributions to our lives (deposits) yet we are willing to share our thoughts, ideas, feelings and bodies with them anyway. Then we get all upset if they don’t treat us right or break our trust. They didn’t apply properly!
2. Our keys should require a waiting period.  In most cases, to get a key to a new house or car, there is a waiting period. After you submit an application, you have to wait for the decision maker to approve your application and give you a key.  That waiting period varies but the point is that you don’t get a key until the decision maker determines that you are worthy. It should be the same for the keys in our lives.  Even if we seem to know people, there may need to be a waiting period before we hand over complete access to our lives. We are the decision makers! We have control over how long we make people wait!  It doesn’t mean we can’t associate with people and get to know them. It just means that it’s OK to take some time to really get to know someone before we give them access to our lives!
3. Our keys should come with rules.  If you qualify for a key to a house or car, make your deposit and make it through the waiting period, you are given a key.  However, those keys come with a set of guidelines that must be followed to keep those keys. For instance, if you don’t pay your car note or your mortgage, your key can get revoked! It is the same in our lives. We have to establish what the guidelines are for people to keep our keys. What are the boundaries and limits for those around us? What do we require? Is it trust? Positive impact? Only you know what it is for you. Listen, my godmother and her friend meant well. But they didn’t understand the rules for having the key to my apartment that day.  I also had not established rules for them when I issued the key in the first place.

Keys give access and that access must be handled responsibly – especially in our lives! I challenge you to think about who has the keys in your life. Did they properly apply and make a deposit? Did they have an appropriate waiting period? Do they understand the rules? Are you having issues right now because you have given keys to the wrong people? It might be time to take back your keys!   Think about it and thanks for reading!