He is a Father

Something has been bothering me for a while now.  A recent conversation with my co-worker made me think about it again and I just have to get it off my chest!  It’s about my husband.  You know the one who went half on my babies (LOL)?  Actually, it’s not just about him.  It’s also about other men in my life who are fathers.  Some are single, some are married, some have been divorced but they are all fathers.  I am tired of these men being treated like they are some sort of anomaly for simply being who they are….fathers.  I am tired of the assumption that all men are the same!  Why should they be grouped together? Sigh…Maybe it would help if I gave you some examples.

#1:  Parent teacher conferences.  Why is it that at most parent teacher conferences, there is only one chair to sit in? Most times the assumption is that the mom is coming , and while that may be true, why not just be prepared?  When my husband shows up, there is a surprised look on the faces of the teachers (in my case, mostly women).  They typically have to find a chair for him and they usually gush about the fact that he is there.  Now why is that?   Why not just expect him to come?  Why be surprised that he cares about what is going on?  He is a father.  He wants the best for his children.

#2:  Doctor’s visits.  If children have at least one doctor appointment a year, why not expect the child’s father to occasionally bring them?  When my husband shows up at the doctor’s office, the office staff always seems surprised.  They even go on to treat him as if he doesn’t know how to sign in.  Why?  Do you think that a grown man never in his whole life signed himself in at a doctor’s office?  Men are not idiots!  The crazy thing is that sometimes the medical staff will treat him as if he can’t even explain the habits or medical history of his child.  One person even asked him if he wanted to call me!  Seriously? I know it’s not just me!  My co-worker shared that a doctor in her child’s pediatric office actually complimented her because her husband seemed to “know his way around the place the last time he came” Really?  He is a father.  He cares about his children and he knows what is going on with them.

#3:  Grocery Stores.  Just like the rest of us, my husband occasionally goes into a store to purchase something.   Often times, he will take one of the kids with him.  Almost every time he goes, someone stops him and tells him that he is a good father (usually in amazement) or they compliment him on how he interacts with his child (as if it was unusual). Really?  You mean the fact that he is with the child, talking to the child, and playing with the child makes him unusual?  He is a father.  He interacts with his children.

I could go on and on about this, but this is a blog post not a book (hmm, that’s a thought). I just want it to stop!  I know there are men out there who don’t participate in their children’s lives at all – I grew up with one of them.  However, there are millions of men in this world who actually father their children – whether they are with the child’s mom or not.  Let’s stop having such low expectations of the men around us who are Fathers.  Stop being surprised to see them do what fathers do!  Let’s support them and stand up for them and let them know that while we are not amazed, we are proud. And if you see my husband doing what a father does, just remember: He Is A Father.  🙂